I used to be a smoker. Not a part timer, but a 30 a day, up to a 100 when having drinks ,smoker. My stress levels would rise when I was in a situation where I could not smoke, a meeting, a mall, a restaurant, a lecture hall. I would start getting tense and find it hard to concentrate – the idea that I needed to smoke right then overtaking all else.
As soon as “escaped” and lit up – I would feel calmer and the weight of the world would lift from my shoulders. Smoking did calm me! Errr, what?? Numbskull, it’s what got you worked up from the start! It’s like a drug that cause AND fixes a problem. Ah well, at least I know that now – it’s never too late…
I found it very hard to give up and tried countless times. My best efforts usually lasted around 2 months by chewing packets and packets of nicotine gum, doing some exercise and giving up alcohol. They always become undone by the reintroduction of alcohol. Every time. I could not break the “bond” I have with the two.
Then two and a half years ago I used Champix and gave up for good. Weirdly, it wasn’t even that much of a battle. I had to watch myself, sure, but it did a great job of suppressing my “need/urge” to smoke. I even broke the alcohol/smoking bond pretty early on – in the first 3 months – initially a couple of drinks with my wife in the safety of home – but it wasn’t long before I could go out again. Occasionally, normally while drinking, I would get a flashing, burning desire to smoke – but these urges would be very quick and fleeting – under a minute. And each time I suppressed them, I felt stronger. I cannot remember having one in the last year. I do not even think about smoking now and other people’s smoke does not really bother me – in fact, sometimes I actually enjoy the smell. Not so much next day though, smoke impregnated clothing get’s chucked straight into the wash!
So after giving up smoking – and loving it – I decided to try giving up drinking. Now I certainly was not addicted to alcohol in the usual sense, I just found it hard to stop after starting. I didn’t become too much of an ass when I had had a few, or start fighting or anything. Maybe a bit more of a “know it all” than I usually am, and a bit louder. But what was starting to hurt were the hangovers. I was becoming useless for the first day, and barely functional for the second – only to reach some sort of normal state by the third. It was becoming untenable (I just wanted to put that word in!) and decided to try give up for a year. I hope that I would grow up in this year, and be able to enjoy alcohol responsibly after it.
It was pretty easy, as said, I do not crave alcohol – it the stopping after starting I have a problem with. The nicest thing was that we started taking the motor bike out every Sunday for breakfast – well, we had bacon and eggs, it had a few litres of petrol – and loved being so clear headed all the time. Went on for 8 months – then I felt I had to open a bottle when I closed my business and retired. The hangovers started soon after.
For a few months I tried to moderate my intake. I would have one or two nights with just a glass or two – but after patting my back and congratulating myself on my new found maturity, I would get hammered and wake up despising myself. This went on for a while until I remember the 8 months previously, when drinking wasn’t an option. Life was just easier without the hassle of trying to moderate myself – cutting it out all together, like smoking, would actually be the easier route.
So that’s what I did a few months back. I didn’t take a note of the date – might have been around February – I am not sure. But I do feel great – not only physically, but all over. Sure, I wouldn’t mind a glass of Merlot or a beer here and there – but really, it’s just not worth the hassle. I might not be an alcoholic in the traditional sense, but in my heart I dol know I am one – and need to tread carefully from now on.
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